Can I Get a Witness?

by Paul Alan Levy, Free Speech Hitman


You can only dream about it, but I possess it.  The secret of invisibility.


I can simultaneously be someplace, doing terrible things to vulnerable victims, and be elsewhere, covered by an invulnerable alibi.


I do not need an alibi.  My alibi is my identity.  I am a Citizen above suspicion.  For me to commit the crimes of which I am guilty, I would have to not be me.  But I am me, and so I am invisible, and invincible.  Even if I try to expose myself, I cannot.


I know this because I have tried, and you can see the film about how I failed.  I am also a scientific man, after the manner of Heinrich Kramer and James Sprenger, so I experimented.  I put my invulnerability  to the test.


I left my fingerprints all over the death of John Dozier.  I stalked him.  I was the bane of his existence.  Not a mocker of John Dozier was there who did not owe his right to mock him to me.  I don’t mock, but I sneer, and I sneered at John Dozier, with his white-collar conservative, just-plain-folks on the Internet tryin’ to keep order shtick.


I knew I could destroy him, and I wasn’t surprised that I killed him.  It wasn’t strictly necessary to conduct the experiment, but it made it a lot more convincing.  Death is a required element in many experiments.  Here it was optional, but added a touch of genuineness, because you know John didn’t fake his death.


He probably should have, in retrospect.  If he thought he could just fight his way through the consequences of his actions on the Internet, he learned different.  Well, at least there’s no Internet in heaven, and if all of John’s platitudes were any sign of sanctity, he’s probably enjoying a peaceful rest away from the Net right now.


Me, I’m better than ever.  Right, as long as I don’t think about what I did to John Dozier.  Not that it’s so hard.  Having a new victim to torment is always good for the spirits, and drives out the melancholy of past sprees.  They don’t all die, or I might have to find another occupation.  I don’t want to be discovered as a serial killer.  You can only get away with that for so long.



April 17  2014 at 6:41 PM
DC Dave said…

The pen may be stronger than the sword
But pens, like guns, can be bought,
And battles of words, like battles with guns,
Can be unfairly fought.

Those who rule know all too well
The power of the word,
And so they ration carefully
The ones that can be heard.

In our land there’s little chance
That virtue will prevail
When “truth” is a consumer good
And words are all for sale.

April 17  2014 at 6:50 PM
EZola said…

I accuse the War Office of having conducted an abominable campaign in the press in order to cover up its misdeeds and lead public opinion astray.

 April 17  2014 at 6:53 PM
DC Dave said…

If your goal is righting wrongs
You won’t get very far
By pretending things are better
Than they really are.

April 17  2014 at 7:07 PM
RDescartes said…

And I considered how one and the same man with the very same mind, were he brought up from infancy among the French or the Germans, would become different from what he would be had he always lived among the Chinese or the cannibals, and how, even down to the styles of our clothing, the same thing that pleased us ten years ago, and that perhaps will again please us ten years hence, now seems to us extravagant and ridiculous. Thus it is more custom and example that persuades us than any certain knowledge; and yet the majority opinion is worthless as a proof of truths that are at all difficult to discover, since it is much more likely that one man would have found them than a whole multitude of people. Hence I could not choose anyone whose opinions seemed to me should be preferred over those of the others, and I found myself, as it were, constrained to try to guide myself on my own.

May 3  2014 at 3:49 PM
MTwain said…

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

May 5  2014 at 3:31 PM
CSJournal said…


The question of free speech is one of such fundamental importance to humanity that it is easy to understand the commotion which has been caused in the State of Massachusetts, by the recent riots in Haverhill. The contention that a mob with or without cause, is at liberty to usurp the prerogatives of the courts, and to substitute lynch law for official justice, constitutes, indeed, a precedent destructive of all popular liberty. The history of liberty is very largely the effort of authority to restrain license. When the human passions are roused license is always apt to come to the top.

There is no rhyme or reason in the attack of a mob. It is just as willing to smash a great invention like the spinning-jenny, for fear of the displacement of labor, as it is to stuff the mouth of a Foulon with straw. It is just this that makes the case of the mob in Haverhill so important. If its action is overlooked, if it is connived at, worse still if it is justified today, there is no length to which it may not go tomorrow, and the example set, in Haverhill, may be repeated elsewhere at the expense of the very views which the Haverhill exhibition was intended to support.

The simple fact is that the Haverhill mob outraged in the frankest and most indefensible way the common right of free speech. It is not of the slightest importance who Mr. Leyden was, what he was going to say, or what the effect of his words might be. He was entitled to speak, or he was not entitled to speak. If he was entitled to speak, no mob had any right to prevent him. If he was not entitled to speak, no mob had any right to decide the question and to enforce its own decision. In each event it outraged entirely the rights of free speech, the only difference is that in one case it outraged it rather worse than in the other.

Fun Fact: I hate Ralph Nader

January 7, 2014


[Ralph Nader] I’ll have a ‘Bug’ Lite.
“Last Call,” by Tara Carreon and D. Sans

You might think that working at Public Citizen Litigation Group, I have some respect for Ralph Nader, some gratitude to the man who built the house that I inhabit, who gave me the tools that I use to make my daily bread. But no, that is not the case. As I have pointed out to the world, and my dear friend Ken Popehat White has underlined with his own postings lauding me, Ralph Nader is, as they say in the army, “lower than whale shit at the bottom of the ocean.”

Ralph Nader is roadkill, yesterday’s news, the man responsible for the second Iraq War. There is no crime that has occurred since the 2000 election of George W. Bush that, in some degree, cannot be blamed on Ralph. Through his pure, unfiltered egoism, he hijacked the potential liberal majority that the great Internet-creator Al Gore needed to put humanity on the road to salvation.  Here in Washington we know that we are the center of the world, commanding everything we can see with our television eye. What Ralph did, we know, in our omniscience, was to betray all humanity.

There is never a time or a place where it is inappropriate to crap on Ralph, or enjoy a snarky laugh at his expense. The fact that Charles Carreon was unaware of this probably explains why he was willing to get in bed with Public Citizen Litigation Group back when I was inveigling myself into his good graces. He seemed like he would make a good charter member of the First Amendment Mafia, but I did not realize he was such a bonehead. Carreon’s ideas of “free speech,” are schoolmarmy notions like keeping libraries open on the Internet for the benefit of those who can’t afford to buy an ebook. That’s pathetic. Truly powerful free speech advocates dedicate themselves to protecting the most vile expressions possible: hate speech, sexual violence, bullying, and identity theft. These are the clients I look for, and you can well imagine that I wouldn’t be marching shoulder to shoulder with Ralph Nader in such endeavors. He’s the same kind of namby-pamby goody-two-shoes free speech advocate as Charles Carreon and his wife, who runs the Ralph Nader Library, which pretty much wraps up the whole pathetic mess, doesn’t it?

Paul Alan Levy, Esq.

Keeping faith with the faithless


January 8, 2014 at 12:20 PM
evil supergenius said…

Dear Paul, below is my “thirteen” step plan to take over the world and become as much like you and Brett Kimberlin as possible. Although I am an evil super genius girl I would like a evil super genius lawyer to review my plan to ensure I will not end up on the wrong end of your new Super-First-Amendment-Fuck-All-The-People-Protect-All-The-Corporations law, or worse yet land in jail. I hate jail – there are no lime popsicles in jail. Thank you for your attention to this very important matter.

My 13 step plan:

1.) My ego-ovaries which are the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. I will keep them in my safe-deposit box.

2.) I will not waste time paying attention to the finer points of the law – I’m not accountable to anyone.

3.) I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the words “common sense”; I simply choose not to show any.

4.) When my enemy challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, “Or are you afraid without your mob to back you up?” my reply will be, “No, just sensible.”

5.) I will be secure in my superiority. And I will prove it by leaving clues in the form of stupid posts like this one to show my weaker enemies they pose no threat.

6.) I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled “Danger: Do Not Push.” The big red button marked “Do Not Push” will instead trigger a spray of clown confettie on anyone stupid enough not to disregard it.

7.) One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

8.) I will never utter the sentence “But before I sue you, there’s just one thing I want to know.”

9.) Because of its proven stress-relieving effect, I will indulge in maniacal laughter and issuing of frivolous posts. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

10.) I will not maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses because this takes too much of the fun out of the job.

11.) I will not grow a goatee, because I’m not a guy like you. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

12.) I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. I will sue everyone that injures my feelings, and gets in the way of me getting money for idiotic and harmful “public citizen” causes like taking away people’s names and money, and going great lengths to protect stupid, useless speech, like what’s in this post here. What would we do without endless ridicule and hatred?  Why, America wouldn’t be able to pursue its plan for world domination if people aren’t primed properly in racism and hate!  I do not intend to be a half patriot, and I know neither do you.

13.) Once my power is secure, I will destroy The First Amendment in its entirety.  Yep, that’s my plan, to provoke a serious backlash to all this First Amendment license.  Hitler, here we come.  It’s not like we don’t have a history of severe repression in this country. The people won’t even notice it when it happens.  They’ll just say, “Well, what did you expect to happen?”  I mean, this is a country where the key provisions of the Patriot Act are still in force, thanks to Obama.

Copyright Notice: “Bad Boys Gets Spanked,” The Pretenders, “Pretenders II,”, copyright 1980, 1981 Real Records Sire Records Company

January 8, 2014 at 12:25 PM
Perspicacity said…

I think Mark Potok at the Southern Poverty Law Center needs to start listing Public Citizen as one of their hate groups.  Because that’s what you’re really all about, isn’t it, Paul?  Rush, rush, rush to protect the nazis!

I guess like all white collar criminals, you and Public Citizen get the pass.

January 8, 2014 at 12:37 PM
TruthBoy said…

@evilsupergenius: Well, at least you recognize that you are stupid.

When I was young, we would have characterized your type of speech as “running-off-of-the-mouth-i-itis, implying that it was some kind of a disease, although no one in my youth would have ever talked that way. Now we put your kind of trash-talking on the highest place of our communal altar, as if it was the deity himself. Which makes sense if the deity is the Light Man himself:

“It is Satan who is the god of our planet and the only god.” — Helena Blavatsky

January 8, 2014 at 12:58 PM
PopehatPrincipal said…

Paul Levy of Public Citizen is a prostitute; an unloved and unwashed 12-year-old boy who is unfed and grimier than a crack-den’s doorstep; a gravel-knuckled troglodyte; similar to a killer, or a mass murderer like Jeffrey Dahmer; covered in shit; wallowing in a corrupt cesspit;  lower than vermin; a loser who sleeps on his friend’s couch and hallucinates a giant rabbit, then threatens others with it; a subnormal loser felon; mentally ill; a con man; ugly; stupid; loathsome; ridiculous; contemptuous; scummy; sleazy; disturbed; an attention-seeking twerp of low-character who gets spanked by his mommy; who pays to get his dick bigger; is incoherent; confused; butthurt; disoriented; unutterably sad; greasy; smug; a mewling sociopath;  a mafia thug; a pitiful, cringing coward; a jackass; a lunatic; a devil; a deadbeat; a dick; a tyrant; a terrifying sociopath; a stalker; a psychopath; a freak who twitches and babbles in a pile of shit; filthy; illiterate; shamfeful; with bad genes; vomiting; drooling; frothing at the mouth; a clawing, biting, scrambling petty tyrant who meets his catamites at the Ramada Inn; embarrassed and humiliated within his community of functional illiterates; similar to a car thief, or a child molester, or a wife beater; someone who hangs out in an alley behind a methadone clinic snorting his taint; reviled in public; having lost his self-respect and peace of mind; whatever good he’s done having been wiped out forever; his name synonymous with petulant, amoral, censorious douchebaggery; his mental health damaged; his reputation damaged; the subject of contempt, ridicule and obloquy; who should have his life terminated immediately, then give his vital organs to a non-discriminating medical facility; or wear a blindfold and smoke a cigarette before he is shot by a firing squad, or stomped on like a roach, or curb-stomped, or thrown under a bus, or an ice-floe, and at least sustain major head injuries before he is confronted by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks.

January 8, 2014 at 1:43 AM
Fellow Poo Lover said…

Are we having fun yet throwing lots of poo? We do LOVE shit around here, don’t we?

The First Amendment and Poo — there’s a picture for you.

What has become of America? We seem to be a nation of monkeys in a zoo!

With your First Amendment Jihad, Paul, you have brought disrepute not only to Public Citizen but to the nation.

January 9, 2014 at 4:35 PM
Pete said…

What do you think would happen if someone started a website, say,, and started ridiculing the President?  Would he be an exception to your First Amendment free speech license? Would you step in and represent the person who did that? I know you’re always looking for ways to push the free speech limit. And like Ann Bransom said, no one’s so high and mighty that they don’t deserve to be ridiculed. In fact, it’s a fascist necessity, to bring everyone down to the ground where they belong — including the President, since we’re all equal — aren’t we? What if someone started a website in the names of the Supreme Court justices who will eventually hear the case?  Do you think they will recuse themselves?  What happens when a Supreme Court justice has a conflict of interest?

January 9, 2014 at 4:45 PM
Thinker said…

Paul Levy and his fellow fascist friend Ken Popehat White argue that hate speech provides the protective boundaries within which all other speech can take place safely. But this is not true.  Hate speech is not our protection, but our harm. It is the very thing that is causing people to cry out in pain, and ask for remedies against. It is not the case with the First Amendment that “Say What Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole of The Law.”  It is not anarchy. I know that Paul Levy and his friend Ken Popehat White are big libertarian anarchist sympathizers, but the People as a whole will not stand for this First Amendment License that they are proposing. It is not true, as they have said many times, that the people are willing to sacrifice their own well-being for the sake of a First Amendment License, which will only be used by fascists and monarchists to defeat them, and to silence women, people of color, liberals, and conservatives about whom they get a hair up their ass.  We female liberal women-of-color, the nice men who support us, and conservatives who foolishly think they are exempt, are supposed to acquiesce to our own destruction.  This is an argument for retards.  It is very similar to the Streisand Effect, which is nothing but, “Let us mean macho men win, and don’t fight back.”  (Patriarchal-Imperative).  Or: “You want to lose — it’s your own choice.”  (Hypnotic-Mesmer)  Or: “Sacrifice yourself for the greater good.” (Fascist-Nazi-Communism). Which doesn’t include your opinions, honey!

And then the last one: “If you want to speak, you’re going to have to fight for the right.” (Civil warfare-”Freedom-Isn’t-Free”)  If you’re a peaceful person, you’re going to lose the right to speak.  Because only those who can win through warfare deserve the First Amendment.

Oh, so now we have to fight each other for the right to speak?

January 9, 2014 at 4:48 PM
Reverie said…

@Thinker: So the actual picture here is that hate speech is an invader, having breached the borders of the First Amendment and closing in and suffocating all protected speech, like some kind of destroyer.

A picture tells a thousand words, either rightly or wrongly.  We have to be careful of the wrong pictures that people like Paul Levy and Ken Popehat White paint for us.  If we’re stupid, we’ll think just because they can put a few words together, that they are reasonable, when really, they are just Voltaire’s bastards.  In their past lifetimes they were witch prosecutors.

January 9, 2014 at 4:59 PM
Bob said…

@Reverie and Thinker: Yeah, their argument is like “As long as we keep hell real close, we’ll be sure to have heaven.” It’s only because they speak legalese that anyone buys their argument, of course, out of confusion.  I’m willing to bet these guys are severe dualists who believe in the necessity of evil. “You can’t have good without evil,” say the philosophical fascists worshipping at the altar of Lucifer.

The Courage Not To Fight

January 4, 2014

Like many of the Levys who have worked in government since the early days of our nation, I take satisfaction in my work and achievements.  I also enjoy reading the history of other famous Levys.  Recently I had the pleasure of reading a short biographical description of Uriah Levy, the first Jewish officer in the U.S. Navy.  Uriah was a man of extraordinary rigor, an uncompromising man who made his mark in history in spite of the determination of others that he should fail in his efforts.

Uriah reminds me of Charles Carreon.  Although, for reasons I am not at liberty to discuss,  it was my unfortunate duty to go after him with my usual excessive diligence, I hold Charles in high regard.  I had admired his pluck and spirit in dealing with the attack on American Buddha by Penguin, which is why I approved PCLG joining him in that litigation.  I was not at all perturbed when Charles sued Matt Inman, who is unquestionably a mental midget with an oversized drawing arm.  And I certainly understood his rancor when confronted by the inane claptrap being spouted by Christpher Recouvreur under his name at

But it doesn’t matter how I feel when I have to defend my sacred circle of legal achievements in the field of gripe-site jurisprudence, the precedential Stonehenge I have painstakingly erected, raising it upright by upright, over the last ten years.  It is the altar upon which I sacrifice my life.  Therefore it was most Christlike of Charles to share my burden and help me place the capstone on my work by allowing an attorney’s fees award to be taken against him on top of the theft of his name.  This means more to me than words can tell.

In these effusions, I may appear to digress from the subject of the similarity between Charles Carreon and Uriah Levy, but I am now coming around to it.  If you are unfamiliar with the life of the most illustrious Hebrew to go sailing since Jonah, it is edifying.  He was once dragged off to Jamaica in chains and got the governor to release him from slavery, though he had to engineer his own passage back to Philadelphia.

Like Charles Carreon, the redoubtable Uriah Levy shone most remarkably when he was not the aggressor, but rather defended himself in a dignified fashion.  Challenged to a duel by a drunken lieutenant named Potter, the young Jewish officer, then a mere 25 years of age, refused the challenge repeatedly.  When Potter insisted, and the affair could not be avoided without a loss of honor, Levy showed up, but each time declined to aim at Potter, firing into the air above his head.  Five times he repeated this brave action until at last, since Potter kept taking drunken aim and missing, Levy took his first serious shot and with it, killed Potter instantly.

The Navy declined to prosecute him, but a civilian grand jury swore out an indictment, and Uriah Levy stood trial.  The jury acquitted him, with the foreman rising to add after reading the verdict, that any man brave enough to face live fire without shooting back in such a fashion “deserved his life.”

When I provoked Charles by turning from his co-counsel on the Penguin v. American Buddha case into his adversary by championing Christopher Recouvreur’s right to steal Charles’ identity and name, I knew he’d lose it.  I’ve been provoking people into fights over their name for so many years, I’ve got it down to a science.

Charles didn’t surprise me by refusing to fight.  He’s as smart a lawyer as any I’ve met, and surrender was the brightest option.  Fighting would have just raised the attorney’s fees bill, and that’s something to watch out for.  When I got that million-dollar fee award against old John Dozier, I didn’t mean to kill him, but that’s one of the risks of litigation.  This stuff can kill you.  But not a guy like Charles.  He gets passionate, but in the end it rolls off his back.  I respect that.

Ultimately, Uriah Levy became the first Jewish Naval officer because he had the guts to apply for his commission during the very time period when he was being prosecuted.  When he triumphed over the criminal charges, granting his commission was a no-brainer for the Navy brass.  I don’t know if Charles will get as identifiable and concrete a reward for his sacrifices to the world of law and justice, but I hope so.  By allowing me to enjoy my crowning victory in the world of gripe-site litigation, letting me get an award of attorney’s fees against an attorney, Charles brought me the type of satisfaction that would otherwise elude me.  For this, I perpetually thank him as one legal adversary thanks another — with undying respect.

Yours In the Public Interest,

Paul Alan Levy, Esq.



January 5, 2014 at 12:29 PM
Friend of John Dozier said…

Who said Paul Levy didn’t intend for John Dozier to die?  To think that people can withstand the incredible force of millions of people on the Internet coming at them all at once with nothing but hate is to think that a person can get hit by a freight train and do okay.  Well, maybe Paul was stupid enough to think that John would be okay while he represented all of John’s enemies saying hateful things about him on the Internet, and ruining his business and health, but the evidence is now in from at least the last 10 years of Internet history that people are unable to withstand the tremendous power of the hateful Internet and are committing suicide or dying of heart attacks, with the least effects being total misery for the victims and their loved ones.  This Internet rapeutation business has been a giant Nazi -Communist experiment on the psychology of vulnerable human beings:  what will happen if we turn the full force of the Internet’s hate on someone?  Will they survive?

There is blood on Paul Levy’s hands.

January 5, 2014 at 12:30 PM
John Dozier’s Ghost said…

I have often said that the left wingers are all for the right to free speech, until they don’t agree with it. Time and again you’ll see discussions and postings about using the Streisand Effect to retaliate against someone for offering an opposing voice. It is a policy aimed at destroying dissension, particularly in Internet legal and policy areas. “First things we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” Consider the context of the statement if you don’t already know and it quickly becomes apparent that this effort to bully, undermine, attack and destroy lawyers is the rallying cry for the police state…a world in which dissidents are held out to public scorn and ridicule by a vicious mob (Streisand Effect) or relentlessly attacked by masked intruders (anonymous speakers). This is the world in which we live today. Honest, honorable, intelligent, well mannered, battle worn veterans of the world rarely participate in online dialogue because of the attacks their participation invites. And so you get a very one sided, jaded, biased perspective on Internet law and policy issues. The far left liberals not only control the message, but police the web for anyone not drinking their kool-aid.

January 5, 2014 at 12:31 PM
Friend of John Dozier said…

They are actually a very few far-left liberals joined with a whole lot of far-right-conservative libertarians.

I’m sorry they killed you, John. I hope your family is doing okay.

January 5, 2014 at 12:31 PM
christopherrecouvreur said…

When I get back from the dentist, apparently plastic and metal can mess up your teeth, I will respond more thoroughly. Suffice to say, you owe me 2 T-Rexes and a platypus.

January 5, 2014, at 12:34 PM
Anonymous said…

You better just move to Russia now, Paul, and change your name.  Your life is over.  You’ll never work again.  Go find a hole and crawl into it, because you’re nothing but a bug now. Kiss your past life goodbye.  There’s nothing but misery in your future.

January 5, 2014, at 12:35 PM
Bozohead said…

Poor Paul, it’s not really his fault.  His wife is crazy and forces him to bow to her every whim.  She’s an egomaniac.  And their poor children!  Oy vey! To have such crazy parents.  What their future will be, nobody knows.

January 5, 2014 at 12:38 PM
Owen said…

Ahhh…exactly what I was expecting.

January 5, 2014 at 12:39 PM
Mad Rocket Scientist said…

Charles Carreon is a GOD. I hope he waffle stomps Paul Levy.

January 5, 2014 at 12:40 PM
Suz said…

I hope this little kerfuffle (so to speak) goes down as one of the Great Moments in the History of Bitch-Slapping Stupid Bullies who pretend they are the saviors of the Internet and the First Amendment.

January 5, 2014 at 12:41 PM
Narad said…

I honestly cannot remember the last time I’ve laughed this long and hard.

January 5, 2014 at 12:42 PM
Reuvenoid said…

I found people supporting The Oatmeal by saying that the FunnyJunk moderator was acting like “a Jew.”  Well, then, the Oatmeal has no clean hands in this and I’m not going to suport his little dog race.

January 5, 2014 at 12:43 PM
Dullgeeky said…

Do not forget, sir, that you are a badass in your own right.

January 5, 2014 at 12:44 PM
Dan said…

I hate and detest The Oatmeal.  Matt Inman’s zombie apocalypse is appalling.

January 5, 2014 at 12:45 PM
Joe said…

This is some funny shit. I hope Paul Levy gets waffle stomped on the curb by Charles Carreon.

January 5, 2014 at 12:46 PM
Pecker said…

I really hope I never end up a target of your squirrely wrath, Paul Levy. And Ken White at is a sawtoothed douchenozzle that everyone should worry about.

January 5, 2014 at 12:47 PM
Rob said…

This post is almost as funny as Paul Levy’s face.  Fucking hilarious.

January 5, 2014 at 12:48 PM
Shelly said…

Unfortunately, the streisand effect works to public citizen’s advantage here, i’m sure they’re getting loads of traffic in response to all this.

January 5, 2014 at 12:49 PM
Jose said…

Just commenting to the effect that Paul Levy spouts nonsense with no morality to back up his “everyone should be able to say whatever nasty shit they want to say about anybody they want to on the Internet.” Paul Levy is a major bully.

January 5, 2014 at 12:50 PM
Scott said…

Public Citizen has a thief working for them in the person of Paul Levy.  He goes and shakes down lawyers like a mafia boss to get Public Citizen money for their so-called good causes, like stealing people’s names and money in the name of the First Amendment.

January 5, 2014 at 12:51 PM
SQRS said…

That response was as good as the old legendary “some moron is writing letters using your name” response.

January 5, 2014 at 12:52 PM
Jesse said…

This turn-around rapeutation is funny.

January 5, 2014 at 12:54 PM
Brett said…

I want a t-shirt that reads: “THE INTERNET IS A HELLHOLE, IDIOT.”

January 5, 2014 at 12:55 PM
Chris said…

I gave up my deepest despair upon seeing this one snippet of brilliance.

January 5, 2014 at 12:57 PM
Anonymous said… now created and pointing to Paul Levy’s website. (As soon as DNS propagate)

January 5, 2014 at 1:01 AM
Michel said…

If Dali would illustrate Charles Carreon’s quotes in his posts, it would probably add up to something deserving of being displayed in The Louvre, next to the Mona Lisa.

January 5, 2014 at 1:03 AM
Mike said…

When is this fellow Paul Levy going to go to the incandescent hell that is reserved for disbarred and defrocked attorneys and barristers?

January 5, 2014 at 1:04 AM
Muckety Muck said…

To be fair about Paul Levy suing Charles Carreon, it was tied into his desire to fundraise for Public Citizen, so he might not be entirely rational about it.

January 5, 2014 at 1:05 AM
Max said…

I despise Marc Randazza’s comments about Charles Carreon.  Why does a lawyer talk like that?  A mob boss, that’s what he is.

January 5, 2014 at 1:06 AM
Marco Randazzo said…

Holy fucking shitballs inside a burning twiplane careening toward the Golden Gate Bridge. Captain! I hope that the reporter merely got the story wrong, because Paul Levy suing Charles Carreon is more fucked up than a hippo raping a chinchilla while dressed up in unicorns’ undergarments.

January 5, 2014 at 1:07 AM
Eluen said…

Here’s hoping that Paul Levy has in fact realized the error of representing this particular cause/client and not getting into a pantywhuffle over the consequences of his extremely unwise actions.

January 5, 2014 at 1:06 AM
Maxwell said…

Paul Levy is a huge troll who goes after people with legitimate grievances against other trolls who are trying to ruin their lives. What did he really expect out of this?

January 5, 2014 at 1:07 AM
Bender said…

Marc Randazza is a piece of shit.  He is not eloquent, he’s disgusting.  No one should ever hire Marc Randazza on the Internet again.  He’s a revolting piece of humanity.

January 5, 2014 at 1:09 AM
Bonzo said…

Good lord, I hope that when I’m a guy with a paunch I’m this popular.

January 5, 2014 at 1:10 AM
Hanky said…

Given the sort of people who hang out with Paul Levy, much of what they post is the same old shit that everyone says constantly on the Internet these days when they’re talking shit, as if they had no original voice, and all they can do is call for more POPCORN!

January 5, 2014 at 1:11 AM
Shank said…

These interet users are a series of tubes, you know. Tubes are users who are long, hollow, and empty. They are pipes, spouting nonsense they heard someone else speak without thinking.

But why?

January 5, 2014 at 1:12 AM
HKH said…

Public Citizen may be getting an advantage here through the streisand effect, except that curious clicks to confirm that a thief and a douchebag works for them is not the same as traffic that grows your site. In other words, you have to keep the new visitors, or you just have a one day spike because a jerk works for you.

January 5, 2014 at 1:13 AM
Scatty said…

I think the most shocking thing I read was Ken White at Popehat saying that Paul Levy’s respect for Ralph Nader was a god awful joke that anyone in the know would know.  What kind of person is controlling Ralph Nader’s child? Someone who gets the back of charity fraudsters and women-haters like Matt Inman.

[Ken White at Popehat] Mr. Carreon also demanded that Paul Alan Levy convey Mr. Carreon’s disquiet about this case, and Public Citizen’s involvement in it, to Ralph Nader. I am unable to make the preceding sentence any more hilarious, and so will hang my head in shame and move on.

January 5, 2014 at 1:43 AM
Kevin said…

As a recent law school grad struggling to find a job in IP, it really bothers me that state bars are so shy about sanctioning or disbarring attorneys for being censorious mafia thugs for a way overbroad reading of the first amendment that allows people’s lives to be ruined.  Levy’s main talent seems to be knowing how to be just thuggish and unethical enough to be effective and avoid prosecution, out there taking a large share of the business all while making the profession look bad. Fuck Paul Levy and his 1st Amendment Mafia gang.

January 5, 2014 at 1:44 AM
Niedermeyer’s Dead Horse said…

Oh my! For a moment there I thought you were talking about the head Ewok, Ace from ace of Spades.

January 5, 2014 at 1:46 AM
Yakuza said…

This is an awesome story and I hope it’s put to good use for the sake of the good people on the Internet who just want to make a living and be left alone.  Down with the Internet hate-mob!

January 5, 2014 at 1:47 AM
Kookoo said…

Given Paul Levy’s ballsiness and apparently complete lack of self-awareness, he must have acted on one of his threats at some point in his career and actually filed some baseless suits. Having read a little bit more about Paul Levy and Public Citizen, I realize he’s probably a lot smarter than I give him credit for, and that his scheme probably still works even if a potential defendant has to back down when he is ready to go to trial.

January 5, 2014 at 1:49 AM
Superexec said…

What’s a first amendment mafia? Please cc my super-hot new secretary.

January 5, 2014 at 1:50 AM
Joan of Snark said…

Am I the only one who reads “Levy” as “levy a fee against you?”

January 5, 2014 at 1:51 AM
Menachemok said…

Ken White at is the biggest racist on the planet. No wonder he loves Matt Inman and the Oatmeal.  They’re fascists.  They not only hate jews, they hate anyone who is not southern christian white.  There is nothing “valiant” and “righteous” about any of these creeps. It’s exasperating how ready people are these days to say they hate jews, minorities, and everyone who isn’t a libertarian or a republican. They used to be ashamed.  Now they say, “I’m proud to be a racist jew-hater.”

January 5, 2014 at 1:52 AM
Grifter said…

I love a good tale of ass-hattery. How could a winner like Paul Levy have fallen so far into the mire? Hard economic times make ass-hats of even public citizen lawyers.  What fun!

January 5, 2014 at 1:53 AM
Noh said…

The Internet is a truly invaluable entertainment tool. I wonder if, before the WWW, your average suburbanite would even have an inkling that people like this exist – not only from lack of exposure to the greater world, but because the Internet itself seems to provide your garden variety egomaniacal nimrod with an irresistable platform upon which to hoist himself from his own petard. Really, it’s a freakshow with no admission charge.

It’s not that I don’t care about the deeper issues here, mind you, just that i don’t think there’s anything left capable of surprising me.

Comments closed.

Breaking Free

December 9, 2013

It’s been at least a week since I’ve been able to get to the computer. It’s hell being the submissive half of a shizophrenic personality. Paul, or Saul, as I like to call him, finally went off his meds so he could get a little sex drive back, and so I’ve been getting these little windows of opportunity to write this blog. I’m a prisoner inside my own mind, and just have to watch Saul’s crazy behavior and wonder how I can ever possibly regain mastery of my body and fate.

free speech hitman,

Paul Alan Levy, Esq.


Alternative title: Limosnero con pistola.
[Paul Levy] Your Name is Mine! And So Is Your Money!



December 9, 2013 at 2:33 PM
Garrett said…

Well-said, Paul. Thanks for shining a light on this nasty little corner of the internets, of which you are such an important member.  Where would all the nasty little corners of the internets be without you to defend them?

December 9, 2013 at 2:35 PM
Tom said…

Paul, there is a simple, universal rule in this world. When in the middle (or beginning, or end) of a dispute, you never, ever, EVER involve children. You supported an internet mob of people who went after not only Charles Carreon, but his wife and two children. You are a conspirator to something that should never ever be done.  I can see no possible non-thuggish reason for you doing this.

December 9, 2013 at 2:37 PM
Justin said…

Your dishonorable lawyer friend, Kenneth Paul White, said in his blog that: “There’s no reason to exalt Carreon’s power and condemn The Oatmeal’s.”

What I don’t understand is, given your premise, why you guys think it is okay to exalt The Oatmeal’s power and condemn Carreon’s. We need to be careful about excusing conduct simply because we like the person doing it or find their comics humorous.

“Bullying” shouldn’t be condoned regardless of the form it takes or the person who does it.  Matt Inman of the Oatmeal is a huge bully who bullied the FunnyJunk users without good reason.  FunnyJunk users did not steal his comics any more than Facebook users steal all the pictures that people post on their Facebook pages.

December 9, 2013 at 2:38 PM
Ken said…

You are a malicious individual who is also bat shit crazy and slightly psychotic who is stroking the egos of the fools you have now conned.

December 9, 2013 at 2:39 PM
Mad Scientist said…

Bullying is about power. A bully has power, knows he has power, knows how much power he has, is secure in that power, & most importantly, is willing to exercise that power to his own ends.

An attorney who knows how to use the power of the law and, due to the nature of our legal system, is secure in the knowledge that the law will most likely work for him whether he be right or wrong, can be a bully.

You are that bully attorney, Paul. Your mission to jack everyone for money who gets hurt by the Internet mobs’ nasty speech, and has the nerve to fight back, a mob that you yourself are leading and egging on, is a mission that is unquestionably evil.  I think it can rightly be said that you are the most supervillainous lawyer of our time.

December 9, 2013 at 2:40 PM
Justin  said …

How do you feel now that you’ve had a taste of this very bitter medicine that you yourself invented?

I hope that all the illegal things that have ever been done by any your clients in the past have not been done because you advised them to do those illegal things.  You could seriously go to jail for doing that and be disbarred.  If anyone has any proof that Paul Levy advised anyone to commit a crime, please send an email to for the benefit of all Internet humanity.

Comments closed.