The Courage Not To Fight

January 4, 2014

Like many of the Levys who have worked in government since the early days of our nation, I take satisfaction in my work and achievements.  I also enjoy reading the history of other famous Levys.  Recently I had the pleasure of reading a short biographical description of Uriah Levy, the first Jewish officer in the U.S. Navy.  Uriah was a man of extraordinary rigor, an uncompromising man who made his mark in history in spite of the determination of others that he should fail in his efforts.

Uriah reminds me of Charles Carreon.  Although, for reasons I am not at liberty to discuss,  it was my unfortunate duty to go after him with my usual excessive diligence, I hold Charles in high regard.  I had admired his pluck and spirit in dealing with the attack on American Buddha by Penguin, which is why I approved PCLG joining him in that litigation.  I was not at all perturbed when Charles sued Matt Inman, who is unquestionably a mental midget with an oversized drawing arm.  And I certainly understood his rancor when confronted by the inane claptrap being spouted by Christpher Recouvreur under his name at

But it doesn’t matter how I feel when I have to defend my sacred circle of legal achievements in the field of gripe-site jurisprudence, the precedential Stonehenge I have painstakingly erected, raising it upright by upright, over the last ten years.  It is the altar upon which I sacrifice my life.  Therefore it was most Christlike of Charles to share my burden and help me place the capstone on my work by allowing an attorney’s fees award to be taken against him on top of the theft of his name.  This means more to me than words can tell.

In these effusions, I may appear to digress from the subject of the similarity between Charles Carreon and Uriah Levy, but I am now coming around to it.  If you are unfamiliar with the life of the most illustrious Hebrew to go sailing since Jonah, it is edifying.  He was once dragged off to Jamaica in chains and got the governor to release him from slavery, though he had to engineer his own passage back to Philadelphia.

Like Charles Carreon, the redoubtable Uriah Levy shone most remarkably when he was not the aggressor, but rather defended himself in a dignified fashion.  Challenged to a duel by a drunken lieutenant named Potter, the young Jewish officer, then a mere 25 years of age, refused the challenge repeatedly.  When Potter insisted, and the affair could not be avoided without a loss of honor, Levy showed up, but each time declined to aim at Potter, firing into the air above his head.  Five times he repeated this brave action until at last, since Potter kept taking drunken aim and missing, Levy took his first serious shot and with it, killed Potter instantly.

The Navy declined to prosecute him, but a civilian grand jury swore out an indictment, and Uriah Levy stood trial.  The jury acquitted him, with the foreman rising to add after reading the verdict, that any man brave enough to face live fire without shooting back in such a fashion “deserved his life.”

When I provoked Charles by turning from his co-counsel on the Penguin v. American Buddha case into his adversary by championing Christopher Recouvreur’s right to steal Charles’ identity and name, I knew he’d lose it.  I’ve been provoking people into fights over their name for so many years, I’ve got it down to a science.

Charles didn’t surprise me by refusing to fight.  He’s as smart a lawyer as any I’ve met, and surrender was the brightest option.  Fighting would have just raised the attorney’s fees bill, and that’s something to watch out for.  When I got that million-dollar fee award against old John Dozier, I didn’t mean to kill him, but that’s one of the risks of litigation.  This stuff can kill you.  But not a guy like Charles.  He gets passionate, but in the end it rolls off his back.  I respect that.

Ultimately, Uriah Levy became the first Jewish Naval officer because he had the guts to apply for his commission during the very time period when he was being prosecuted.  When he triumphed over the criminal charges, granting his commission was a no-brainer for the Navy brass.  I don’t know if Charles will get as identifiable and concrete a reward for his sacrifices to the world of law and justice, but I hope so.  By allowing me to enjoy my crowning victory in the world of gripe-site litigation, letting me get an award of attorney’s fees against an attorney, Charles brought me the type of satisfaction that would otherwise elude me.  For this, I perpetually thank him as one legal adversary thanks another — with undying respect.

Yours In the Public Interest,

Paul Alan Levy, Esq.



January 5, 2014 at 12:29 PM
Friend of John Dozier said…

Who said Paul Levy didn’t intend for John Dozier to die?  To think that people can withstand the incredible force of millions of people on the Internet coming at them all at once with nothing but hate is to think that a person can get hit by a freight train and do okay.  Well, maybe Paul was stupid enough to think that John would be okay while he represented all of John’s enemies saying hateful things about him on the Internet, and ruining his business and health, but the evidence is now in from at least the last 10 years of Internet history that people are unable to withstand the tremendous power of the hateful Internet and are committing suicide or dying of heart attacks, with the least effects being total misery for the victims and their loved ones.  This Internet rapeutation business has been a giant Nazi -Communist experiment on the psychology of vulnerable human beings:  what will happen if we turn the full force of the Internet’s hate on someone?  Will they survive?

There is blood on Paul Levy’s hands.

January 5, 2014 at 12:30 PM
John Dozier’s Ghost said…

I have often said that the left wingers are all for the right to free speech, until they don’t agree with it. Time and again you’ll see discussions and postings about using the Streisand Effect to retaliate against someone for offering an opposing voice. It is a policy aimed at destroying dissension, particularly in Internet legal and policy areas. “First things we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” Consider the context of the statement if you don’t already know and it quickly becomes apparent that this effort to bully, undermine, attack and destroy lawyers is the rallying cry for the police state…a world in which dissidents are held out to public scorn and ridicule by a vicious mob (Streisand Effect) or relentlessly attacked by masked intruders (anonymous speakers). This is the world in which we live today. Honest, honorable, intelligent, well mannered, battle worn veterans of the world rarely participate in online dialogue because of the attacks their participation invites. And so you get a very one sided, jaded, biased perspective on Internet law and policy issues. The far left liberals not only control the message, but police the web for anyone not drinking their kool-aid.

January 5, 2014 at 12:31 PM
Friend of John Dozier said…

They are actually a very few far-left liberals joined with a whole lot of far-right-conservative libertarians.

I’m sorry they killed you, John. I hope your family is doing okay.

January 5, 2014 at 12:31 PM
christopherrecouvreur said…

When I get back from the dentist, apparently plastic and metal can mess up your teeth, I will respond more thoroughly. Suffice to say, you owe me 2 T-Rexes and a platypus.

January 5, 2014, at 12:34 PM
Anonymous said…

You better just move to Russia now, Paul, and change your name.  Your life is over.  You’ll never work again.  Go find a hole and crawl into it, because you’re nothing but a bug now. Kiss your past life goodbye.  There’s nothing but misery in your future.

January 5, 2014, at 12:35 PM
Bozohead said…

Poor Paul, it’s not really his fault.  His wife is crazy and forces him to bow to her every whim.  She’s an egomaniac.  And their poor children!  Oy vey! To have such crazy parents.  What their future will be, nobody knows.

January 5, 2014 at 12:38 PM
Owen said…

Ahhh…exactly what I was expecting.

January 5, 2014 at 12:39 PM
Mad Rocket Scientist said…

Charles Carreon is a GOD. I hope he waffle stomps Paul Levy.

January 5, 2014 at 12:40 PM
Suz said…

I hope this little kerfuffle (so to speak) goes down as one of the Great Moments in the History of Bitch-Slapping Stupid Bullies who pretend they are the saviors of the Internet and the First Amendment.

January 5, 2014 at 12:41 PM
Narad said…

I honestly cannot remember the last time I’ve laughed this long and hard.

January 5, 2014 at 12:42 PM
Reuvenoid said…

I found people supporting The Oatmeal by saying that the FunnyJunk moderator was acting like “a Jew.”  Well, then, the Oatmeal has no clean hands in this and I’m not going to suport his little dog race.

January 5, 2014 at 12:43 PM
Dullgeeky said…

Do not forget, sir, that you are a badass in your own right.

January 5, 2014 at 12:44 PM
Dan said…

I hate and detest The Oatmeal.  Matt Inman’s zombie apocalypse is appalling.

January 5, 2014 at 12:45 PM
Joe said…

This is some funny shit. I hope Paul Levy gets waffle stomped on the curb by Charles Carreon.

January 5, 2014 at 12:46 PM
Pecker said…

I really hope I never end up a target of your squirrely wrath, Paul Levy. And Ken White at is a sawtoothed douchenozzle that everyone should worry about.

January 5, 2014 at 12:47 PM
Rob said…

This post is almost as funny as Paul Levy’s face.  Fucking hilarious.

January 5, 2014 at 12:48 PM
Shelly said…

Unfortunately, the streisand effect works to public citizen’s advantage here, i’m sure they’re getting loads of traffic in response to all this.

January 5, 2014 at 12:49 PM
Jose said…

Just commenting to the effect that Paul Levy spouts nonsense with no morality to back up his “everyone should be able to say whatever nasty shit they want to say about anybody they want to on the Internet.” Paul Levy is a major bully.

January 5, 2014 at 12:50 PM
Scott said…

Public Citizen has a thief working for them in the person of Paul Levy.  He goes and shakes down lawyers like a mafia boss to get Public Citizen money for their so-called good causes, like stealing people’s names and money in the name of the First Amendment.

January 5, 2014 at 12:51 PM
SQRS said…

That response was as good as the old legendary “some moron is writing letters using your name” response.

January 5, 2014 at 12:52 PM
Jesse said…

This turn-around rapeutation is funny.

January 5, 2014 at 12:54 PM
Brett said…

I want a t-shirt that reads: “THE INTERNET IS A HELLHOLE, IDIOT.”

January 5, 2014 at 12:55 PM
Chris said…

I gave up my deepest despair upon seeing this one snippet of brilliance.

January 5, 2014 at 12:57 PM
Anonymous said… now created and pointing to Paul Levy’s website. (As soon as DNS propagate)

January 5, 2014 at 1:01 AM
Michel said…

If Dali would illustrate Charles Carreon’s quotes in his posts, it would probably add up to something deserving of being displayed in The Louvre, next to the Mona Lisa.

January 5, 2014 at 1:03 AM
Mike said…

When is this fellow Paul Levy going to go to the incandescent hell that is reserved for disbarred and defrocked attorneys and barristers?

January 5, 2014 at 1:04 AM
Muckety Muck said…

To be fair about Paul Levy suing Charles Carreon, it was tied into his desire to fundraise for Public Citizen, so he might not be entirely rational about it.

January 5, 2014 at 1:05 AM
Max said…

I despise Marc Randazza’s comments about Charles Carreon.  Why does a lawyer talk like that?  A mob boss, that’s what he is.

January 5, 2014 at 1:06 AM
Marco Randazzo said…

Holy fucking shitballs inside a burning twiplane careening toward the Golden Gate Bridge. Captain! I hope that the reporter merely got the story wrong, because Paul Levy suing Charles Carreon is more fucked up than a hippo raping a chinchilla while dressed up in unicorns’ undergarments.

January 5, 2014 at 1:07 AM
Eluen said…

Here’s hoping that Paul Levy has in fact realized the error of representing this particular cause/client and not getting into a pantywhuffle over the consequences of his extremely unwise actions.

January 5, 2014 at 1:06 AM
Maxwell said…

Paul Levy is a huge troll who goes after people with legitimate grievances against other trolls who are trying to ruin their lives. What did he really expect out of this?

January 5, 2014 at 1:07 AM
Bender said…

Marc Randazza is a piece of shit.  He is not eloquent, he’s disgusting.  No one should ever hire Marc Randazza on the Internet again.  He’s a revolting piece of humanity.

January 5, 2014 at 1:09 AM
Bonzo said…

Good lord, I hope that when I’m a guy with a paunch I’m this popular.

January 5, 2014 at 1:10 AM
Hanky said…

Given the sort of people who hang out with Paul Levy, much of what they post is the same old shit that everyone says constantly on the Internet these days when they’re talking shit, as if they had no original voice, and all they can do is call for more POPCORN!

January 5, 2014 at 1:11 AM
Shank said…

These interet users are a series of tubes, you know. Tubes are users who are long, hollow, and empty. They are pipes, spouting nonsense they heard someone else speak without thinking.

But why?

January 5, 2014 at 1:12 AM
HKH said…

Public Citizen may be getting an advantage here through the streisand effect, except that curious clicks to confirm that a thief and a douchebag works for them is not the same as traffic that grows your site. In other words, you have to keep the new visitors, or you just have a one day spike because a jerk works for you.

January 5, 2014 at 1:13 AM
Scatty said…

I think the most shocking thing I read was Ken White at Popehat saying that Paul Levy’s respect for Ralph Nader was a god awful joke that anyone in the know would know.  What kind of person is controlling Ralph Nader’s child? Someone who gets the back of charity fraudsters and women-haters like Matt Inman.

[Ken White at Popehat] Mr. Carreon also demanded that Paul Alan Levy convey Mr. Carreon’s disquiet about this case, and Public Citizen’s involvement in it, to Ralph Nader. I am unable to make the preceding sentence any more hilarious, and so will hang my head in shame and move on.

January 5, 2014 at 1:43 AM
Kevin said…

As a recent law school grad struggling to find a job in IP, it really bothers me that state bars are so shy about sanctioning or disbarring attorneys for being censorious mafia thugs for a way overbroad reading of the first amendment that allows people’s lives to be ruined.  Levy’s main talent seems to be knowing how to be just thuggish and unethical enough to be effective and avoid prosecution, out there taking a large share of the business all while making the profession look bad. Fuck Paul Levy and his 1st Amendment Mafia gang.

January 5, 2014 at 1:44 AM
Niedermeyer’s Dead Horse said…

Oh my! For a moment there I thought you were talking about the head Ewok, Ace from ace of Spades.

January 5, 2014 at 1:46 AM
Yakuza said…

This is an awesome story and I hope it’s put to good use for the sake of the good people on the Internet who just want to make a living and be left alone.  Down with the Internet hate-mob!

January 5, 2014 at 1:47 AM
Kookoo said…

Given Paul Levy’s ballsiness and apparently complete lack of self-awareness, he must have acted on one of his threats at some point in his career and actually filed some baseless suits. Having read a little bit more about Paul Levy and Public Citizen, I realize he’s probably a lot smarter than I give him credit for, and that his scheme probably still works even if a potential defendant has to back down when he is ready to go to trial.

January 5, 2014 at 1:49 AM
Superexec said…

What’s a first amendment mafia? Please cc my super-hot new secretary.

January 5, 2014 at 1:50 AM
Joan of Snark said…

Am I the only one who reads “Levy” as “levy a fee against you?”

January 5, 2014 at 1:51 AM
Menachemok said…

Ken White at is the biggest racist on the planet. No wonder he loves Matt Inman and the Oatmeal.  They’re fascists.  They not only hate jews, they hate anyone who is not southern christian white.  There is nothing “valiant” and “righteous” about any of these creeps. It’s exasperating how ready people are these days to say they hate jews, minorities, and everyone who isn’t a libertarian or a republican. They used to be ashamed.  Now they say, “I’m proud to be a racist jew-hater.”

January 5, 2014 at 1:52 AM
Grifter said…

I love a good tale of ass-hattery. How could a winner like Paul Levy have fallen so far into the mire? Hard economic times make ass-hats of even public citizen lawyers.  What fun!

January 5, 2014 at 1:53 AM
Noh said…

The Internet is a truly invaluable entertainment tool. I wonder if, before the WWW, your average suburbanite would even have an inkling that people like this exist – not only from lack of exposure to the greater world, but because the Internet itself seems to provide your garden variety egomaniacal nimrod with an irresistable platform upon which to hoist himself from his own petard. Really, it’s a freakshow with no admission charge.

It’s not that I don’t care about the deeper issues here, mind you, just that i don’t think there’s anything left capable of surprising me.

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