Fun Fact: I hate Ralph Nader

January 7, 2014


[Ralph Nader] I’ll have a ‘Bug’ Lite.
“Last Call,” by Tara Carreon and D. Sans

You might think that working at Public Citizen Litigation Group, I have some respect for Ralph Nader, some gratitude to the man who built the house that I inhabit, who gave me the tools that I use to make my daily bread. But no, that is not the case. As I have pointed out to the world, and my dear friend Ken Popehat White has underlined with his own postings lauding me, Ralph Nader is, as they say in the army, “lower than whale shit at the bottom of the ocean.”

Ralph Nader is roadkill, yesterday’s news, the man responsible for the second Iraq War. There is no crime that has occurred since the 2000 election of George W. Bush that, in some degree, cannot be blamed on Ralph. Through his pure, unfiltered egoism, he hijacked the potential liberal majority that the great Internet-creator Al Gore needed to put humanity on the road to salvation.  Here in Washington we know that we are the center of the world, commanding everything we can see with our television eye. What Ralph did, we know, in our omniscience, was to betray all humanity.

There is never a time or a place where it is inappropriate to crap on Ralph, or enjoy a snarky laugh at his expense. The fact that Charles Carreon was unaware of this probably explains why he was willing to get in bed with Public Citizen Litigation Group back when I was inveigling myself into his good graces. He seemed like he would make a good charter member of the First Amendment Mafia, but I did not realize he was such a bonehead. Carreon’s ideas of “free speech,” are schoolmarmy notions like keeping libraries open on the Internet for the benefit of those who can’t afford to buy an ebook. That’s pathetic. Truly powerful free speech advocates dedicate themselves to protecting the most vile expressions possible: hate speech, sexual violence, bullying, and identity theft. These are the clients I look for, and you can well imagine that I wouldn’t be marching shoulder to shoulder with Ralph Nader in such endeavors. He’s the same kind of namby-pamby goody-two-shoes free speech advocate as Charles Carreon and his wife, who runs the Ralph Nader Library, which pretty much wraps up the whole pathetic mess, doesn’t it?

Paul Alan Levy, Esq.

Keeping faith with the faithless


January 8, 2014 at 12:20 PM
evil supergenius said…

Dear Paul, below is my “thirteen” step plan to take over the world and become as much like you and Brett Kimberlin as possible. Although I am an evil super genius girl I would like a evil super genius lawyer to review my plan to ensure I will not end up on the wrong end of your new Super-First-Amendment-Fuck-All-The-People-Protect-All-The-Corporations law, or worse yet land in jail. I hate jail – there are no lime popsicles in jail. Thank you for your attention to this very important matter.

My 13 step plan:

1.) My ego-ovaries which are the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. I will keep them in my safe-deposit box.

2.) I will not waste time paying attention to the finer points of the law – I’m not accountable to anyone.

3.) I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the words “common sense”; I simply choose not to show any.

4.) When my enemy challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, “Or are you afraid without your mob to back you up?” my reply will be, “No, just sensible.”

5.) I will be secure in my superiority. And I will prove it by leaving clues in the form of stupid posts like this one to show my weaker enemies they pose no threat.

6.) I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled “Danger: Do Not Push.” The big red button marked “Do Not Push” will instead trigger a spray of clown confettie on anyone stupid enough not to disregard it.

7.) One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

8.) I will never utter the sentence “But before I sue you, there’s just one thing I want to know.”

9.) Because of its proven stress-relieving effect, I will indulge in maniacal laughter and issuing of frivolous posts. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

10.) I will not maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses because this takes too much of the fun out of the job.

11.) I will not grow a goatee, because I’m not a guy like you. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

12.) I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. I will sue everyone that injures my feelings, and gets in the way of me getting money for idiotic and harmful “public citizen” causes like taking away people’s names and money, and going great lengths to protect stupid, useless speech, like what’s in this post here. What would we do without endless ridicule and hatred?  Why, America wouldn’t be able to pursue its plan for world domination if people aren’t primed properly in racism and hate!  I do not intend to be a half patriot, and I know neither do you.

13.) Once my power is secure, I will destroy The First Amendment in its entirety.  Yep, that’s my plan, to provoke a serious backlash to all this First Amendment license.  Hitler, here we come.  It’s not like we don’t have a history of severe repression in this country. The people won’t even notice it when it happens.  They’ll just say, “Well, what did you expect to happen?”  I mean, this is a country where the key provisions of the Patriot Act are still in force, thanks to Obama.

Copyright Notice: “Bad Boys Gets Spanked,” The Pretenders, “Pretenders II,”, copyright 1980, 1981 Real Records Sire Records Company

January 8, 2014 at 12:25 PM
Perspicacity said…

I think Mark Potok at the Southern Poverty Law Center needs to start listing Public Citizen as one of their hate groups.  Because that’s what you’re really all about, isn’t it, Paul?  Rush, rush, rush to protect the nazis!

I guess like all white collar criminals, you and Public Citizen get the pass.

January 8, 2014 at 12:37 PM
TruthBoy said…

@evilsupergenius: Well, at least you recognize that you are stupid.

When I was young, we would have characterized your type of speech as “running-off-of-the-mouth-i-itis, implying that it was some kind of a disease, although no one in my youth would have ever talked that way. Now we put your kind of trash-talking on the highest place of our communal altar, as if it was the deity himself. Which makes sense if the deity is the Light Man himself:

“It is Satan who is the god of our planet and the only god.” — Helena Blavatsky

January 8, 2014 at 12:58 PM
PopehatPrincipal said…

Paul Levy of Public Citizen is a prostitute; an unloved and unwashed 12-year-old boy who is unfed and grimier than a crack-den’s doorstep; a gravel-knuckled troglodyte; similar to a killer, or a mass murderer like Jeffrey Dahmer; covered in shit; wallowing in a corrupt cesspit;  lower than vermin; a loser who sleeps on his friend’s couch and hallucinates a giant rabbit, then threatens others with it; a subnormal loser felon; mentally ill; a con man; ugly; stupid; loathsome; ridiculous; contemptuous; scummy; sleazy; disturbed; an attention-seeking twerp of low-character who gets spanked by his mommy; who pays to get his dick bigger; is incoherent; confused; butthurt; disoriented; unutterably sad; greasy; smug; a mewling sociopath;  a mafia thug; a pitiful, cringing coward; a jackass; a lunatic; a devil; a deadbeat; a dick; a tyrant; a terrifying sociopath; a stalker; a psychopath; a freak who twitches and babbles in a pile of shit; filthy; illiterate; shamfeful; with bad genes; vomiting; drooling; frothing at the mouth; a clawing, biting, scrambling petty tyrant who meets his catamites at the Ramada Inn; embarrassed and humiliated within his community of functional illiterates; similar to a car thief, or a child molester, or a wife beater; someone who hangs out in an alley behind a methadone clinic snorting his taint; reviled in public; having lost his self-respect and peace of mind; whatever good he’s done having been wiped out forever; his name synonymous with petulant, amoral, censorious douchebaggery; his mental health damaged; his reputation damaged; the subject of contempt, ridicule and obloquy; who should have his life terminated immediately, then give his vital organs to a non-discriminating medical facility; or wear a blindfold and smoke a cigarette before he is shot by a firing squad, or stomped on like a roach, or curb-stomped, or thrown under a bus, or an ice-floe, and at least sustain major head injuries before he is confronted by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks.

January 8, 2014 at 1:43 AM
Fellow Poo Lover said…

Are we having fun yet throwing lots of poo? We do LOVE shit around here, don’t we?

The First Amendment and Poo — there’s a picture for you.

What has become of America? We seem to be a nation of monkeys in a zoo!

With your First Amendment Jihad, Paul, you have brought disrepute not only to Public Citizen but to the nation.

January 9, 2014 at 4:35 PM
Pete said…

What do you think would happen if someone started a website, say,, and started ridiculing the President?  Would he be an exception to your First Amendment free speech license? Would you step in and represent the person who did that? I know you’re always looking for ways to push the free speech limit. And like Ann Bransom said, no one’s so high and mighty that they don’t deserve to be ridiculed. In fact, it’s a fascist necessity, to bring everyone down to the ground where they belong — including the President, since we’re all equal — aren’t we? What if someone started a website in the names of the Supreme Court justices who will eventually hear the case?  Do you think they will recuse themselves?  What happens when a Supreme Court justice has a conflict of interest?

January 9, 2014 at 4:45 PM
Thinker said…

Paul Levy and his fellow fascist friend Ken Popehat White argue that hate speech provides the protective boundaries within which all other speech can take place safely. But this is not true.  Hate speech is not our protection, but our harm. It is the very thing that is causing people to cry out in pain, and ask for remedies against. It is not the case with the First Amendment that “Say What Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole of The Law.”  It is not anarchy. I know that Paul Levy and his friend Ken Popehat White are big libertarian anarchist sympathizers, but the People as a whole will not stand for this First Amendment License that they are proposing. It is not true, as they have said many times, that the people are willing to sacrifice their own well-being for the sake of a First Amendment License, which will only be used by fascists and monarchists to defeat them, and to silence women, people of color, liberals, and conservatives about whom they get a hair up their ass.  We female liberal women-of-color, the nice men who support us, and conservatives who foolishly think they are exempt, are supposed to acquiesce to our own destruction.  This is an argument for retards.  It is very similar to the Streisand Effect, which is nothing but, “Let us mean macho men win, and don’t fight back.”  (Patriarchal-Imperative).  Or: “You want to lose — it’s your own choice.”  (Hypnotic-Mesmer)  Or: “Sacrifice yourself for the greater good.” (Fascist-Nazi-Communism). Which doesn’t include your opinions, honey!

And then the last one: “If you want to speak, you’re going to have to fight for the right.” (Civil warfare-”Freedom-Isn’t-Free”)  If you’re a peaceful person, you’re going to lose the right to speak.  Because only those who can win through warfare deserve the First Amendment.

Oh, so now we have to fight each other for the right to speak?

January 9, 2014 at 4:48 PM
Reverie said…

@Thinker: So the actual picture here is that hate speech is an invader, having breached the borders of the First Amendment and closing in and suffocating all protected speech, like some kind of destroyer.

A picture tells a thousand words, either rightly or wrongly.  We have to be careful of the wrong pictures that people like Paul Levy and Ken Popehat White paint for us.  If we’re stupid, we’ll think just because they can put a few words together, that they are reasonable, when really, they are just Voltaire’s bastards.  In their past lifetimes they were witch prosecutors.

January 9, 2014 at 4:59 PM
Bob said…

@Reverie and Thinker: Yeah, their argument is like “As long as we keep hell real close, we’ll be sure to have heaven.” It’s only because they speak legalese that anyone buys their argument, of course, out of confusion.  I’m willing to bet these guys are severe dualists who believe in the necessity of evil. “You can’t have good without evil,” say the philosophical fascists worshipping at the altar of Lucifer.